My boss mentioned about a FT opportunity today. He had asked me if I was interested in applying. It would be similar to what I’m already doing but dealing with more projects (which i love!) on my current team. If so, they will be moving quickly with the interview process this week. However, my biggest downfall is always the interview portion. I know I’m capable of being successful in my role, but I can’t help to feel anxious and unconfident. There will be a few more internal candidates who are applying for this position as well. I know they all have a few years of experience underneath their belts, so maybe that’s why I feel sorta intimidated. It sucks— but I know that I have to give this a shot. If it doesn’t work out, I can always try again in the next 3 months before my contract is up.
I’ve decided that I need to cut down on the drinking. I feel a little decline in my health. I feel fat and it’s not even from being bloated on my period. I spent a week in Austin eating poorly, drinking, lack of sleep and exercise. Before that, I went on hiatus for a whole month. I really need to get back into my strict diet and it’s been tough without the free gym access at work. I’m really considering bootcamp and body pump classes at this special rate that I found for $99 (unlimited) a month. It’s a little steep, but I figured it’ll be a better investment—since I’m already spending the same amount, if not more on alcohol a month. :(
Totally surprised that she followed through with her words. Major turn on! Anyway, I had suggested for her to come visit me at work and the date was set. However, I had no expectations because this was planned out while we were having a few drinks at the bar. But guess what? She actually came to visit me at work today. I gave her a tour, took her to dinner, and we ended the night playing street fighter (she totally kicked my ass though) at the arcade room.
What I like about her is that she appreciates me. She’s always saying thank you and makes the time to meet up with me- even if it’s out of the way. Let’s hope that it stays consistent.
So I found out that I’m not leaving to Austin this weekend. It got pushed back for another two weeks, which means I’ll be able to go on my date this Friday night. Not sure what the plan is, but I’ll definitely leave it up to her because I love it when a woman takes charge.
Ever since my grandfather passed away, it has changed my perspectives on life and the people around me. I can’t pinpoint on what it is, but I feel so alone right now. People always think that I’m this happy all the fucking time, but they have no idea what really goes on in my mind. I don’t blame them though because I hide it so well.
I wanted to vent about something that happened a few weeks ago but I realized it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s just a waste of my breath and there’s nothing I can do to change how a person acts. You’re pretty much a shitty person and if you want to know why, then ask me.
Let me just say that I am having trouble distinguishing my emotions towards death. I went to my grandfather’s viewing earlier today and it was the first time that I had seen a dead person in real life. He looked peaceful and I wish I was able to share my emotions with him, but I couldn’t. I didn’t cry nor did I feel anything. It really killed me inside to my little cousin cry because I knew he was much closer to our grandfather.
My brother can be an asshole 80% of the time, but he knew how to crack jokes during the funeral to make things less awkward and serious for our family.
I really appreciate the tremendous love and support from my friends and colleagues today. I was bombarded with texts and FB comments all day. I can’t even begin to express my gratitude.