Yeaaaah forget it. I’m not going to try and initiate anything anymore. I think I’m officially done with pursing others. It’s a game that I never intend to finish. Maybe that’s why I hate playing video games :P. Well, that’s a whole different story. But seriously though, I’m tired of always being the first person to text and to initiate dates. I didn’t sign up to play the masculine role. I just want things to be more balanced when it comes to dating. Ugh.
I’m beginning to believe that I’m an actual lost cause to my dating life. It always starts out with meeting a really attractive girl and then a part of me suffers from the idea of vulnerability—which then leads to the part where I’ll say “I feel like I’m waiting for something that’s never going to happen”. It’s never going to happen because I’m always scared, trying to act cool, and not allowing myself to be me. I’m also upset that I can’t seem to bring myself to holding a conversation without wanting to be semi-intoxicated. But the first step is to admitting that I have a problem. My problem is that I get super anxious around attractive girls. Its to the point where I find myself worrying about what they are thinking about, than actually paying attention to what they’re saying. And when it’s finally mine turn to talk, I freeze up and I just want to avoid the conversation all together.
Okay, I’ve just had it with everyone’s shit. I’m so tired of dealing with fucking negative nancys/nelsons. Who the fuck do you think you are? I can’t even begin to justify for your behavior. Is it that time of the month? Or have I just been hit with some sort of “I-HATE-MY-LIFE-SO-IM-GOING-TO-RUIN-YOURS plague”? I just can’t stand being the only one smiling and bubbly around people when all they do is bring me down. Like seriously, you need to go check yourself out and revaluate your behavior. I’m not just speaking for one person, but on a few accounts there has been a few people who really need to learn when to speak and when not to. Why so much negativity? I don’t understand. I guess misery loves company. It’s something that I never want to be a part of. I’m so fucking tired of this shit. Go fuck off and ruin someone else’s day. Seriously, not mine. Fuck you.
Ugh so true. People think I date a lot of people but they have no idea that it’s mainly for the physical attraction. It’s been way too long since someone has captured my heart.